Love and Adventures

THE OTHER SIDE OF LOVE AND ADVENTURE
You see me high inside a crater in Iceland, kayaking and paddleboarding down a southern river, climbing some of the best crags in the world, skiing the best mountains in the west, flying high above the earth with a hang glider or parachute, biking amazing trails, traveling, and living a life of adventure. All with beautiful and equally adventuresome Robin by my side! That is the glimpse you get to see. So when people hear that Robin and I didn’t make it as a couple, they are confused. How could two people with so much in common not make it? Like any story, there is more than meets to eye.

A 1-SECOND SNAPSHOT
You see the best of times. A 1-second snapshot of something that lasts for days. You see the smiling face at the top of a climbing pitch, loving eyes thousands of feet high on a mountain, and laughter getting to an adventure through tough terrain. What you miss is the in-between times. The times when she is cold, tired, and upset because it takes twice as long for us to finish an adventure when I also have to do a photo/video shoot. Or the times I’m upset because I’m going to miss a sunset photo because she is stopping to take her jacket on and off every minute. We are sometimes the last team off the mountain in the dark so I can get that sunset photo from the peak. That’s part of the job. Then there are the thought times. For every laughing photo while walking through waste-deep water, there is a moment 5-minutes later of falling knee-deep in tar-like quicksand and questioning what you are even doing on that trip and even with your life! The famous video of Emily Harrington screaming, “I can’t do this!” while crying on a rock climbing route is a moment we all face. And not occasionally, but nearly every trip! The smiling pictures you see of me finishing a hard climb was probably preceded by me kicking the rock wall a few times in anger because I couldn’t get through a section. In the end, adventures get complete, I finish the climb, and I get great photos/videos. Even in the case of knee-deep quicksand, where Robin was the most unhappy I had ever seen her, I got a great after photo of her with tar-like quicksand and mud up to her knees and a happy face. She was happy once we reached our campsite. After all, we love adventures and they made us happy!

THE LIFE OF AN ADVENTURER
People tell me I have the greatest life because I get to travel and explore the world. And I agree! I have so many stories that I have yet to tell. And experiences beyond normal words. But, you don’t see the rest of story. When an adventure comes to an end, the real work begins. For every day I am out in the world being an outdoor adventurer, I am stuck for a week in a tiny office writing articles, sorting and editing through thousands of photos and videos, communicating with brands and communities, marketing the photos and articles to the outdoor industry, engaging with followers on social media, and planning future adventures. Some weekends I want to go climbing, biking, kayaking, or trek across a new mountain. But, I have deadlines to meet. Or maybe I have to spend the entire weekend cooking and dehydrating food so I can eat clean and healthy while hanging off the side of a mountain. This also means I get out-of-shape and pale during that week. And relationship Kevin takes a backseat to life. That takes its toll on a relationship. Even one with someone like Robin who is happy to help dehydrate, prep food, and plan adventures.

So what does it take? How can we as adventurers get to be Adrian Ballinger and Emily Harrington? Then again, I can’t speak for them, but are they as happy as they appear? i hope they are! But frankly, Robin and I appeared to be as happy or happier than them. And we were for the most part. Those moments in the photos are candid, real, and never staged. We got to spend a lot of time together doing what we love and I captured those live moments very candidly with my camera. The photos of her are just her being the badass she is! But the in-between times are costly. The time spent communicating and/or messaging someone back on social media, an email, a phone call, or text message is less time I have to spend with any real person.

FINANCES
Then there is the issue of finances. There is a saying in the outdoor industry, “you can’t eat gear!” That term comes from brands wanting to give gear in exchange for photos, videos, and content that takes four flights, two days to shoot, and 10-hours to edit/write. That can work for high-dollar gear I really need. But, not everything. Flights and rental cars get expensive. A Canon 5D camera, expensive lenses, filters, large high-speed memory cards, and batteries cost a lot. Then there are gimbals, a monthly subscription for Adobe’s Creative Suite for editing, lights, light reflectors, drones, and so much more. Expensive toys! A normal date night would either be late nights with me on a computer writing an article or helping a company with marketing. Or maybe a romantic night sleeping under the stars while eating dehydrated chili after a several mile hike. We choose to accumulate experiences instead of items.

THE LIFE OF A HARD PERSON
I was once told I was a “hard person” and it will always be hard for me to find someone to marry. I was confused. What is a hard person? Am I hard to love?! What does that mean? I was told that most people are “soft” and break easy. They tire. I am the person who bikes for miles with climbing gear on my back, climbs rocks, rides back, then goes hiking. In the case where I was told I was a hard person, I went on a high ropes challenge course, went rafting, and ziplined in the same day. Then I said, ‘Hey, let’s all go swing dancing before hiking a mile to camp by a climbing crag tonight so we can wake up early tomorrow morning and start climbing!’ That’s usually when I get the look of “you are crazy!” followed by “I’m going to bed and skipping work for a couple days!” Most girls are good for about 48-hours of that and they are done. The 1-second snapshot of an adventure is better than actually working to get there! Or sleeping in a tent at zero-degrees with 40 MPH winds is too much! Once there, reality sets in and most people break. Fortunately with Robin, that never happened! I once suggested we change our plans and climb a different mountain with better weather because the forecast was freezing rain and very high winds were where we planned to go. Her response was, “Who are you?!” We often said we could never camp in a normal temperature. It’s either extremely cold or extremely hot!

Then there are the times I am not on an adventure or in my office marketing. In those times, I run, hike, and bike everywhere. If I need something from the grocery store, I throw a backpack on and get there by foot or bike. Out of food at home and want to eat at a restaurant? I bike or run there during all four seasons. When I can, I am on the go and going hard! That is the life of a hard person. But, that often takes a back seat to slow office work and deadlines, making another “hard” person not happy during those times.

WHAT’S A REAL ADVENTURER’S JOB
My life takes me to many exotic places and I am grateful that communities and brands let me take photos/videos and write stories along the way for them. My best shots are never seen on my social media. They are reserved for a brand or a community for use. They are well staged shots vs my social media candid moments. But it’s hard to make a living off that, unless you are a master like Jimmy Chin. And, he also has enormously large travel expenses and higher-dollar cameras. People say they want a life like Alex Honnald or Adrian Ballinger and climb mountains all day long. But, in reality, their real job is to sell shirts and jackets for North Face (Alex) and Eddie Bauer (Adrian) who sponsors them. Watch Adrian’s popular and candid Snapchat and you will see a lot of days in an office sitting on a computer, flying to New York City to meet with people, and exercising anywhere he can. I once saw a snaphat where he and Cory Richards were running up and down steps in New York City to keep in shape for Everest. And Alex is everywhere! He is always at some conference or climbing event giving a speech. That makes it hard to rage on mountains everyday. As for me, I have a marketing communications company where I help brands and organizations communicate with the public. That is completely separate from the adventures and helps my bottom line. That makes me sustainable. Even with major sponsors, Alex and other athletes like Tommy Caldwell writes books and make money off appearances. Jimmy Chin makes fantastic movies like “Meru”. Adrian and Emily have an expedition company in the Lake Tahoe area. Even at the top with major sponsors, there is something else helping with financial support. Most of their sponsorship money gets dissolved by traveling and doing what they love. They live off the side gigs. We all do!

For someone on the outside looking in, the life looks like a 24/7 adventure. I wish that were the case! It’s a balance of giving 100-percent on the mountain while creating content, then 100-percent focus on marketing and getting content into the right hands. So for a lover, he or she has to accept the balance of going from stop to 100-percent-go and back often.

GIVE AND TAKE
It takes two strong people to make it work in this adventure life. And like any relationship, it takes patience on both sides. We all won’t tire at the same time. No two people do! Look at Adrian helping Cory up Everest in 2016 and the next year the roles were reversed! Sometimes I would be tired and Robin wound not be. The next day I was psyched to peak and she would be getting the tent out. In those times, you work as a team. In that aspect, Robin and I were always on the same page. Even when it pained me or her to not go on.

ROMANCE
Ahhh, the romance of a cuddling on a portaledge on the side of a big wall climb like El Capitan or Half Dome. A couple thousand feet above the ground with the cool breeze whispering you to sleep while shooting stars entertaining you from above. Sounds amazing and like a perfectly romantic night! That is, until one of you has to slide over to one corner of the portaledge and poop in a bag because you share the same few square feet of space and have nowhere else to go! Hopefully, you are smart enough to go to the downwind side! And the leakproof/smell proof container you carry the waste in only gets riper with both of your smells mixing in there. Romance can be achieved. But, after a week without a shower, that strange smell in the air is probably the both of you! Nothing is harder than someone saying to his or her partner, “can you turn around for a couple of minutes and not listen?!” One great thing about this is you get extremely close! Robin never made it on a big wall adventure with me, so we missed this wonderful experience. So when people ask, “what do you do when you are on a multi-day big wall climb and have to go?” The simple answer is, “you go!”

SHARING TIME AND SELF CONFIDENCE
This can be the hardest part of any relationship. Business men and women often neglect the home life to get ahead at the office. But, it becomes exacerbated when you are in the public eye and in the same room. You are not at the office across town, you are a few feet way on a computer or iPhone. You are there, but not there. You are communicating with people from all over the world and probably half are the opposite sex. It takes a lot of self confidence and understanding for a lover to share time with so many others around the world everyday. When a message pops up on your phone from a famous adventurer of the other sex, it takes a lot for someone not to wonder “why” they are communicating with you. Usually, it’s about collaborating. Or maybe they need information about a connection you have. Or they need marketing advice. I help and trade marketing advice back and forth with a lot of other adventurers. Some are much bigger than I am, some are smaller. Some are female. Then there are the random people who send Instagram messages about hooking up. Things like that pop up on your phone at the worst times and places doubt in any lovers mind. So to make it, both parties have to be self confident and understand that those things will happen and they have nothing to worry about.

CONCLUSION
Dating an adventurer can be the best experience of your life that opens your eyes to new worlds and experiences. It’s a world full of endless adventure that breaks you out of the mundane and takes you to the tallest peaks and deepest valleys. But, it’s hard work getting there! And, it’s not 100-percent adventure. To make money doing it, time has to be given to growing your brand, getting content in the hands of people willing to pay for it, and taking care of sponsors. That means after a week-long adventure, time in the computer world is a must! Also, time spent planning the next trip and not typical dinner and a movie. And like any relationship, dating an adventurer is hard work! If you want to live comfortably traveling 24/7 while raging on mountains everyday and not worrying about finances, you will be disappointed. If you want to spend a few minutes climbing an easy peak to get a quick photo, be done, and Netflix all night, you will be disappointed. It’s a balance of hard adventures and slow office work. And you need to be self confident and understanding on both sides. It’s what I love doing and I, like all adventurers, am very happy doing it. If you understand these things, being in a relationship with an adventurer can truly be a rewarding experience. Sharing a year-and-a-half of adventures with Robin made each adventure that much better! And it was the same with past adventure girlfriends. I hope this gives you a glimpse behind the scenes of dating an adventurer. This article took inspiration from several girlfriends along the way. If you have similar experiences or have questions, comment below!